Anxious avoidant break up reddit. And has been on a financial/saving mode for the past year.

Anxious avoidant break up reddit. I was anxious and she admitted to be avoidant and emotionally unavailable. Just reassure me that you are not going anywhere and share that you need connection at this moment. If I'm broken up with then I'm a mess. Reply reply. We tried to be friends 3 times in 2 months with each time having the avoidant pull away and me as an anxious coming back. We have been talking occasionally throughout the breakup and sometimes I will cross the line and make a flirty comment or something, to which she will flat out ignore me for weeks or tell me I didnt even feel like the anxious type in any other relationship, but I guess being with a true avoidant triggered all my worst anxious tendencies. 5yrs, broke up 2m ago. Now I’m hardcore anxious avoidant and no amount of “working on it” really seems to change that I cannot trust another person in a romantic context. But I also realize that that is just me looking for his validation to say I deserve to feel hurt by his actions in the relationship. I met this girl while we were in our first year of Uni, classic love at first sight and afyer some weeks of trying we hit off. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: acknowledging that you understand your avoidant lover and are willing to give them the space and time they need. If we are unconsciously taught the mandate "don’t have feelings, don’t show feelings, don’t need anything from anyone, ever" - then running away is the best way we can safely accomplish that mandate. And to be, the best version of me. He reaches out every few weeks, curious about my life but evades sharing anything about his. When pressed, he maintains he doesn’t have as many new or interesting changes or successes to share, and that I need to respect his boundaries. For context I have had long relationships in the past ranging from 2-10 years and this break up stung more than any of them. 5 months ago i experienced a break-up after being in a 4 years relationship. How I broke up with an avoidant (by confronting her & taking some revenge) Hi all. I became very attached, fell in love with her, and I Clearly. Every damn thing you said. Most Avoidants aren’t back people but don’t put yourself into a mental war trying to fix your ex or figure him out it takes two people to make and break a relationship, Take this time to focus on yourself,reflect,work on your goals and go inward to understand your attachment style and patterns too. Tbh I actually still believe he was my first love, I just wasn’t his. Immediately I began to have extremely anxiety and panic attacks. Which means I can be anxious & avoidant. I had this conversation with my last love. I hope you are able to find some resolve with or without this The avoidant ex (32 M) who had dumped me reached out to me this week. It's a great way to learn and connect with eachother. Fearful Avoidant EX. now he’s ghosting me and is very hot and cold This is typical, now that Im learning about attachment styles, but Im crushed and just need to vent. I was just in this. Broken up with by dismissive avoidant. So in short: 4-6 weeks - relief 6-10 weeks - curiousity - may hear from them. As an anxious type, our relationship left me depressed. My ex girlfriend was avoidant, and I am anxious. He went no contact immediately (I honestly didn’t know no contact Break up threats are commonly referenced in narcissistic abuse communities as a manipulation tactic designed to destabilize the partner and increase their codependence. After she broke up I went NC for about a week. And if you have an anxious attachment style the shit multiplies by ten. This is my style too. To avoid it, try to grand the avoidant partner some of his much needed breaks and avoid thinking in terms of “I’m right, he needs fixing”. Things seemed normal, minus sex. I've tried various techniques to make the anxiety flareups not effect me. Wish I would’ve been aware years ago and saved my self a lot of heart ache. A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). I started seeing a therapist recently who helped me realize that I am most likely an anxious attachment type and my ex an avoidant, probably fearful type, and that my pushing her probably just caused her to run away faster. Instead it seems to be my secondary type when I can't chase anymore. It's odd for a DA but not unheard of. I know most breakup advice involves working out, journaling, other self care b. Please try not to judge I know the situation is bad (He broke up with because he “simply can’t be in this relationship anymore” he cheated on me with someone online and I told him I’m willing to forgive and forget it but he says that he can’t look at ME the same and there was no point in trying to fix this I of course tried to get him back spam called him a bunch of times and many Take a break, go to your car, an empty bathroom, wherever and let it out. Blame was constantly put on me for not communicating things in the right way. I can't stress enough how much better you deserve. [deleted] • 7 yr. I would highly recommend making changes to better yourself. Yet. My last relationship TURNED me anxious to the point where I got anxiously attached even to my friends and any new people Hi everyone , I just thought this might help. So I understand very well, both side sides of the spectrum. My mind is obsessed with him. A pain that doesn't go away, because you still love them!!! but in the end of the day, they chose their panth. He said he lost his sexual attraction and emotional connection to me but was hopeful it would return as he still found me very attractive And while it's great to recognise your own weaknesses, you need to take into account whether it's really who you are or it was a normal reaction to being with an avoidant and possibly emotionally abusive/narcissistic partner. It was a pretty ugly break up. Please help me understand my dismissive avoidant ex girlfriend. They might have been more avoidant at the start. It stings, it aches, and then I feel completely numb. as much as i’ve started realising how poorly of a communicator my ex was, i feel almost guilty for vilifying her for being crazy when it was really down to her avoidant attachment style. I walked on eggshells, bent over backwards, tried my absolute best to keep the relationship afloat because I saw a husband and a father in that man on his good days. She broke up with me almost two months ago after some drama with her parents. Narcissism overlaps to some degree with avoidant profiles. My anxious partner fell out of love with me. • 7 yr. He was avoidant, did not understand my emotions and feelings, and treated me quite poorly. Letting go of anxious/avoidant cycle. It may hurt more at first, but it will save the anxious partner a lot of strife in the long run. We have been broken up for almost 9 months now. You will have a chance to get your power back. To an avoidant personality 30 days feels like 10 days. And instead of rage, you feel pain. Ongoing support for break ups. I never want to fall for a avoidant again. Thanks so much for your message. I recommend getting a attachment style workbook to help you through it. I am actively working on becoming more secure, w help from my therapist. Don't Yet, after maybe a awkward first 30 minutes, he warmed up to me. At first I did no contact for almost 2 weeks bc I was hoping he’d come back to me and he never did. • 3 yr. That I did not want to fall in love because I knew she would eventually break my heart. 14+ weeks - forging ahead - may hear from them if they are in counselling and working on themselves, otherwise they are likely pushing ahead with their independence. I (26M) had to break up with my (27F) fearful avoidant girlfriend after she cancelled on our talk. I’m anxious attachment and she’s avoidant. Actually. Of course you’ll view it that way. Secure attachment style during a break up is okay with letting the relationship go. And as stated in other comments, she seems controlling, and she is controlling because this is how she feels secure. There is a cycle between the anxious and avoidant that goes back and forth between being over and trying to get back together. but I personally found stuff like that impossible to do in the early stages. This includes those A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn more about it (so as to get on the path of healing), share experiences of their healing journey, find support while healing, and give tips and feedback for discovering healthier coping mechanisms, and overall feeling more secure within yourself (and with others). "". May 23, 2022 · He essentially argued that every insecure attachment contains its own “core wound” that can explain their behavior. Things were said. Genuine affection, trust, comfort, passion, etc. I recently read Attached! and found it really helpful for the anxious attachment. Trying to understand more about how avoidants can come off as anxious in a relationship but ultimately be avoidant. Well the perfect description of avoidant partner My self was the avoidant in my last relationship and I was the dumpee too I really loved her with all my heart but I wasn’t able to meet her needs because the traumas you mentioned in the past We both love each other a lot She was the anxious also dumped me after she said yes and wear the ring It’s now 7 months since the break up I’m now breakup with avoidant. If you are an AP involved with an FA or DA, or if you are an FA with a DA partner, the break up is heart gutting. 50K subscribers in the AnxiousAttachment community. And there is a deep relief, because not only is the pressure gone but also a new feeling is created - the feeling that someone will love this person much better than I would, anyways. She was my life, everything I worked for and just overnight she acts like we are strangers and I feel like my entire future just crumbled Hello everyone. fracISback. A couple months ago me and my ex broke up. I was ghosted by a guy recently. I broke up with my avoidant partner. Just shower them with attention and check in six times a day asking for reassurance. I read so much about attachment theory (me 40M: I think I became anxious during the relationship, her: F35, avoidant). Use tissue and eyedrops to avoid unwarranted questions. And making a constant, conscious effort to actually give them that despite the war going on in your brain. But idk what to do if he wants to try. The first few months of the relationship, I felt like she It's a really tough feeling to process when you had the warmest most affectionate woman you've ever been with in your life just turn so cold literally overnight. Without knowing anything about what I do, to show up. The relationship ended. [deleted] •. What followed was the anxious/avoidant push and pull. Hey everyone! I believe I’m securely attached but lean anxious and I broke up with my ex about a month ago. We went on a 17 day Europe trip just before she broke up and she told me she made the decision to break up in her head during the trip, yet she completely led me on the remainder of it while I was meeting and staying To me, this is a best case scenario: a self-aware avoidant. He showed me the most beautiful connection I’ve ever experienced and then just ripped it away. They will gladly put everything on hold for everyone just so they can run away and suppress their emotions. I can’t help but ruminate on if he will ever realize how he hurt me and feel bad/regret it. We were laughing, shared a picnic, he was very happy and touched because of the little things I brought him from my trip. " > there is NO way that the AP can prevent the DA from falling into that thinking pattern. I'd love to have some third party interpretations (especially from the brains of other avoidant females) but any tips and tricks on how I can improve myself for the future are beyond welcome. ) and even though I’m proud of my decision to have put myself first, I’m feeling increasingly awful. It is, according to science, the worst type of relationship, and will never work. A space for people who struggle with an anxious attachment style to learn… Avoidant Ex seemed very Anxious for a lot of our relationship but had mostly avoidant patterns and ultimately ended things unexpectedly. More on that in a second, let’s first start by defining the characteristics of the anxious and avoidant attachment styles. "The avoidant is manipulative, cold and toxic, not worth the effort, and only triggers the fears of the anxious", well let me tell you right now that the anxious is an expert at triggering the fears of the avoidant as well, they know exactly what to say to make the other person doubt themselves and drain all the energy, self love and self worth Breakups | Free to Attach. Members Online Next month it will be an entire year since my 7 year relationship ended… some perspective and insight So this relationship has ended about 4 days ago, I am an anxious attachment style person and she is an avoidant, officially but she wanted to break up for about 10 days before that, the root of the problem is that she says she has "lost feelings" in the span of 2 days pretty much when I got all over her questioning her and calling her because she was unwell and we were supposed to go to a trip Anxious and Avoidant Trap Laugh This is too perfect, for anyone that needs to laugh today, but also understand some of the people and attachment patterns. cowgirlsheep. Anxious Attachment Style: Will think highly of others but have low self esteem. They want connection like everyone else I still don't understand this because it feels more anxious than avoidant, but almost all her other tendencies were avoidant. I went to her place to bring her stuff and we talked a bit. We eventually decided to try again. Everything on my end seemed perfect. Since then we’ve met up to talk once, texted occasionally and eventually I initiated no contact because she said she needed space and I got the impression her replies were drying up. They will keep secrets, stop confiding and actively avoid their spouses. I can’t go longer than a few hours without crying or freaking out. It's hard to blame the avoidant, they didn't do anything after all (which was exactly the problem, the inaction). So a few days ago I was completely blindsided by a dismissive avoidant. Ever since then he would overwhelm himself with work and became distant. It helps a lot that my boyfriend has a secure attachment style and has been upfront, open, and vocal about how much he cares and If you have any questions, about your breakup and think your SO was an avoidant, feel free… maybe I can shed some light. I can. I was constantly heart broken from my ex who I believe is a fearful avoidant. After I worked on myself and was able to be in a commited long-term relationship, I gave him a chance and we’ve been together for 8 months. ----------------------- The style of connecting/attaching with other people is a direct reflection of our earliest experiences with our caregivers, as well as other influential relationships in our life. The last time we spoke i told her “ i feel like you put 100% of the relationship failing on me, when you also have to be responsible for the relationship failing as well” she rolled her eyes and said “yea i guess” then she told me she was avoidant and emotionally unavailable. I obviously pressured her too much and she couldn’t commit and it made me anxious and I started being a bit clingy. Basically heat of the moment fight. Some thoughts about avoidant attachment. I try to distract myself in order to try and retain some sanity but I'm usually crying for the first week or two. Him putting in the bare minimum and then becoming so avoidant I couldn’t handle it anymore and finally left. The reason why I know this, is because I do it myself. He presented a lot of avoidant tendencies (not wanting to spend much time together, being dismissive, not being able to commit to plans, etc. I have anxious attachment and my ex is an avoidant. Sea-Finance6268. I broke up with a guy I dated for 4 months about 5 weeks ago. • 1 yr. Go to gym or go for walk. My avoidant ex never offered solutions to problems, never talked about her feelings, didn’t like me talking about mine, had no plans for the future, had extreme boundaries, didn’t offer any emotional support, and when I finally asked for her to consider how I felt flipped like a switch, distant. I think at the start of the relationship I think I was more fearful avoidant, distant sometimes, but fell for them very hard. We had a pretty intense anxious and avoidant dynamic. This was the first person I loved in over 10 years and this was a serious relationship after I went through cancer. He tried planning a trip for us, but we missed the flight and he blames me for it. As it really doesn't matter why a relationship ends as it's always a hurtful experience to break a connection you've formed. She told me 2 days prior to the breakup she wanted us to navigate through this together and it also was our first serious issue. Unfortunately, even though it may be more probable for a more heavily avoidant leaning person to detach from an otherwise good relationship, other attachment styles to end relationships abruptly too. My FA bf deactivated a few months ago during a fight and we broke up only to get back together two weeks later after I was persistent on staying together. They'll break up with you within three weeks, guarantee it. Only the first 3 out of 8 months were good. Anyways, still hopeful one day that will change. It hurts so bad when you realise you were fighting for both and they let you suffer for a month or two without communicating or explain nothing. Peeedorrrfff. So, how to cope up? First of all, take up a hobby (example joining dance class etc) to keep yourself occupied . You have always been like this. He works so he can support his parents. Anyone that has experienced a break up that absolutely destroyed r/BreakUps. During our last dating phase I tried to just let the anxiety wash over me, and that actually worked pretty well for a while, but I would end up feeling anxious about going to see her but power through, then I would feel totally shut down when we were spending time together. I’m still shook because I didn’t see it coming at all. Yes. My avoidant ex (35male) is celebrating a 1 yr anniversary rt about now. I was the dismissive avoidant that was dumped by the anxious. The rest 5 months were a mixture of anxiety, highest highs and lowest lows until he finally broke up with me and said we should become friends. This is also not his work. It depends on the breakup- if I'm the one breaking up with someone then I process it during the 3-12 months before the break up. and as we know these things are mostly established from childhood upbringing which she couldn’t control. I'm 4 months post break, 2 months post breakup and no contact and today I had the hardest wave of self blame hit me. -has a really hard time opening up but will randomly -gets really anxious if i don’t respond for an hour -broke up with me over our second argument where i was jealous over another girl but came back after a week of no contact saying how much me missed and loved me. I’m coming out of a 6yr on/off textbook 16 votes, 30 comments. In the first months of our relationship she talked about her past with her father and told me she often cut herself to feel something. Ofcourse that dried up. I’m a FA. My self-esteem is shattered to bits. We met through Bumble in October of last year. They probably blindsided you, put all the blame on you and all the typical stuff and it's very easy to think you deserve it. I have signed up for and begun a 10 week Mindful Self Compassion course by Chris Germer and Kristen Neff. Which is why their/our immediate reaction to a breakup is one of permanence and mirrors the cycle of grief. She (27F) broke up with me (32M) after an intense but beautiful relationship, kinda out of the blue. All we want is to be understood and reassured that you're not going to leave us. Once you engage in that circle it will feel like things are spiraling. The Avoidant / Anxious dance - My Experience. A bit of a “jump before you’re pushed My first ever panic attack was after my first break-up 6 years ago. Other attachment styles are also welcome and encouraged. support/encouragement. Also known as Anxious Avoidant or Disorganized attachment. I was wondering if anyone of you wouldn’t mind sharing your breakup story’s in the comments. Im anxious and started seeing a dismissive avoidant, we dated for 18 days before he said he didn’t have the emotional energy for a relationship. If this is not you, you were never secure. Also, I’ve been reading up on attachment theories the entire weekend, and even though I’m FA/AP-leaning, I’ll swing over to avoidant if I’ve had enough of feeling like shit. So it makes sense that if you're an anxious person they happen. Eventually, the terrible anxiety of wanting to run and withdraw from the pressure/fear will overpower the love. This month we had a small fight, I expressed my feelings once and then she broke up with me over text. s. 7. ago. In the beginning, he was very sweet and responsive. 🤨. Need some advice on reconnecting with my avoidant ex. We were planning me going to her grandmas for thanksgiving and a trip in 4 months. The silver lining to my most recent breakup is that it's led me to discover attachment theory. Reply. Avoidance is about so much more than stringing people along and rejecting emotional intimacy, and all the different ways that manifests — like refusing to label a relationship, refusing to commit, feeling overwhelmed or suffocated in a loving relationship, lots of on Hi all. . Woah. Hello! Me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago and we are still in contact, never went no contact but only talk a lil bit throughout the day as compared to a lot when we were dating. Anxious want to fix, explain, handle emotions right away. In scrolling through this subreddit and reading posts about break up texts or conversations some of you have had with your avoidant partners, I noticed a surprising amount of similarities between both the various posts and what I myself have considered saying if I decide to end things with my partner. This is dead on. Relationships are stressful to someone with an avoidant attachment style. He was not ready to settle down with anyone and I (27M) being the anxious, caused him to feel claustrophobic. In that response, is the problem. Sharing to hopefully comfort others like me that you can leave the cycle and welcoming any comments. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago. would break up and then come crying to get back together because I didn’t answer his million phone calls after he broke up with me. •. Thank you for allowing me space to vent. So yea, nothings off the table Exactly! I think I was mostly secure with some anxious tendencies before. That's the breakup. We picked up an activity together, but his time off he would pick up shifts. Even though we talked for months, my anxious attachment style came out. However, I cannot stop thinking of all the good times, all the laughter and joy we shared. We bought concert tickets for next summer, she 2 days before was asking if we were staying at my parents house for tldr: tale as old as time, anxious and an avoidant- if you've made that work in a healthy way, how did you do it? I'm anxious/preoccupied and my partner is either anxious/avoidant or fearful/avoidant. In my experience, whenever an avoidant has reached back out to me, it's usually 4 months+ no contact and I'm already in a better relationship. But after 3 months of no contact, exercising, eating well and therapy, I feel amazing and more secure than ever. You don't. They are like narcissism lite. Breaking up with an avoidant is a special type of hell. It really helped me understand why she broke up with me and has helped me move on and grow since then. Best advice you can give is to do sports on a regular basis. Break-ups basically set you under intense stress and affect your heart rate etc. Pretty typical for avoidants to dump blame onto you (even if there is partial blame). I personally think he preferred me as an avoidant. I dated a woman, who I saw as the love of my life for just under a year. When we're together in person or doing a phone/video chat, things are really solid. It’s like a switch in me flips and I don’t give a rat’s ass whether or not any kind of avoidant (friend, lover, parent, whatever) wants to keep me at arm’s I'm anxious and I was dumped by my fearful avoidant partner. And I would also suggest to learn more on the triggers for anxious attachment style, this way you learn how to communicate without triggering them, and have a higher chance of having a satisfying conversation. He was anxious, I honestly thought this was avoidant because of the constant trying to act like they’re breaking up. Second, keep yourself busy as much as possible. My partner and I broke up after about a year, the longest relationship I had. My break up with my avoidant partner has been hell. Be confident and don't get anxious. Oh man, I’m going through this as well, 2 and a half weeks post breakup rn. Need advice about my anxious avoidant ex. When things moved into a more vulnerable territory, intimacy, or even basic level communication, she would completely shut down, or bottle it up. I left my ex first, and then he left me when we got back together. It's such a mindfuck. Logically, I know he was not good for me. The anxious attachment comes from childhood issues, the avoidant style I developed as a result of my past LTRs. He was affectionate, very touchy (sexually and romantically) and I started to even gaslight myself a little bit. I am a 41m, anxious attachment style. Intimacy has never been an issue in our relationship. When it's time to do anything, just answer "whatever you want to do. I agree with those who say that it is only one of many ways to understand who we are as complex beings, but I've found it to be incredibly illuminating in terms of understanding myself (M/31), my ex (F/25 I’m fearful avoidant and regret a break up. This annoyed me a lot because I still loved her and wanted her back and made this known to her. I want to be better and shed these anxious attachment issues. Idk if this a break up or me leaving to heal and try again. But now he feels that we should give it another shot. Clearly, I’m the AP and he is the DA. I’m a dumper and need some input. Throughout breakup she would reach out with minimal conversations such as her hello or did I see you at xyz. I cannot stand the thought of never seeing him again. Dated an ex gf for 3 years, broke up for 3 years. findtheriver76. Avoidants are in no hurry. From the beginning of the relationship I started voicing a need for space (1 day a week) which did not work out. I love her and she loves me (or says she did anyway) , but after a year and a half of dating I have realized she will never be able to offer any kind of consistent emotional intimacy. We both have children, but we both live apart and haven't moved in with eachother. You just described my ex. He explained to me why he acted the way he acted before and during the breakup. Then move on. TLDR: Sharing insight/seeing perspective that I think I am finally ready to let go of my avoidant ex & start moving on - something i never thought i would feel. And has been on a financial/saving mode for the past year. I've cried hardest than before, three times today already. We were 4 months and 2 weeks into our dating stage when I broke it off with her (March 1st) after cycles of her detaching and lashing out on me for quite a number of things I couldn't really understand until I read up on attachment theory. To an anxious personality 30 days feels like 60 days. My SO decided last month once more to retract and "needing to Anxious attacher here that’s finally ending the trap with the FA. Them coming in full anxious mode making you care about them then going cold due to their insecurities doesn’t seem to register on their radar that they are acting in a severely imbalanced way that isn’t healthy. To everyone who was dumped by a dismissive/avoidant partner. 10-14 weeks - regret/depression - may hear from them. What kept coming up was the push and pull of the anxious and avoidant attachment styles argument cycle. And yeah despite me wondering if he is Fearful avoidant, it doesn't match up enough. If he shows no interest then yeah, move on. Lmao apologize… this was me n my ex. If it’s of any importance, I’m a female, and was a FA most of my life. Avoidants are more likely to see permanence and inability to salvage relationships than most other people, in my experience. Try 15 years and 8 break up to make ups… I am puzzled that so much information is available about the anxious / avoidant trap and I am just finding out about this. I am listening to podcasts about dating, courtship and showing up in my masculine energy. The sex is great and there times where she opens up and let's me be there for her, but she seems incapable of reciprocating. hk am ci fd af mb ji wi ra ti